So i’ve become super lazy when it comes to writing for pleasure but I will try to improve that… in the meantime, 2012 was actually a really good year for me… so good, i didn’t have time to do any updates on here haha… i had the best year of my career, found a purpose in where my life is heading and i found something to be excited about.. it has been stressful and uncertain but im learning a lot and traveling and meeting people and i’m happy.. i fell in love this year too, that doesn’t happen too often, fell out of it too, which most usually the case.. the relationship was short-lived (as most of my love affairs generally are) ;) but i wouldn’t change anything about it (except maybe the outcome haha) .. And on that note, welcome to my 2012 Year in Review…
January – So January… recovered from our NYE in NYC adventure… and then got into the first month at my new job as Editor of a magazine about Valves… A whole magazine about Valves exists?, you ask.. why yes, it sure does! And its actually pretty popular! Who’da thunk? Geared towards the process industry, I write a magazine about all the issues that engineers face in working with valves, different valve materials and flow control technology and I interview materials specialists who work for big oil and gas companies and stuff like that… i was completely out of my element but it has been incredibly interesting.. i get to write for a living, plus I’m one of like 5 women in the industry, so i feel awfully popular haha…
I’ve been a fan of One Tree Hill from the beginning and in preparation for its series finale, I began to re-watch the whole series.. luckily in that time, Tyler Hilton aka Chris Keller came to town because his gf was doing something at the Eaton Centre, which happens to be minutes away from my new office, so i went by for a visit…
And a video from when we met Chad Michael Murray surfaced:
Lucas Scott wrote a comic?
Saw my faves Dwayne Gretzky play..
I went on my first business trip for my new job to a convention in san antonioabout valves used in the nuclear power industry.. and of course, i would use my first trip at my brand new job to start fraternizing.. i got to do my first interviews with end users for the magazines, visited the alamo, went to a casino event at the top of the san antonio tower where i learned to play poker terribly using other people’s fake money and went to another event at this bar that was covered with stuffed creature heads and had an attached “sideshow freak museum”..
as i mentioned, i met a lot of new and interesting people and one in particular caught my eye and we ended up dating for a few months - conflict of interest ridden, long distance nightmare, commitment issue shitshow, we had fun and laughed a lot, until we didnt anymore.. but he was also pretty wonderful at times… he warned me not to drink too much to protect his future baby eggs and would send me lists of things he loved about me… he sent me flowers for our two week anniversary (the last time i got flowers from anyone, i had to have an organ removed first) and the card told me not to get used to it because two weeks is the only anniversary he celebrates… and he sent me “sweet” text messages like this gem “I love you and you love me and we are gonna get married and have babies and our parents are gonna like us (except yours are stuck with Grace) and our babies are gonna be so so so so fucking cute (except for the ones you made brain damaged this last weekend) and we live happily(ish) ever after until I die from liver failure at like 35 and you remarry (you slut - respectfully ;) ) but babies (non retards) grow up to win Nobel prize in physics and dedicate to me. Duh.”
February – Hanson went on tour and we went to see them in North Bay and Belleville and some other places in Ontario.. Katie even got to have her first up close Hanson show experience.. Carley Rae Jepsen opened and then went on to sell 38927694629364 albums and become super famous lol…
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
Hanson - Sunny Day & Cecilia
Jenn and I went to see this amazing sketch comedy show called Pomme is French for Apple… but pomme is actually pum, like the west indian term for vagina… it was a fun take on the nether regions and we had an amazing time..
Shit pum says…
And then Jenn, Tonya and I headed out on one of the best roadtrips I have ever been on.. With our annual Rock Boat trip docking out of New Orleans, we decided to make the trek by car… Before we headed out my love sent me another little treat to the office, an edible arrangement in a racecar to commemorate the roadtrip.. sweet, wasnt he?!
So we hit the road and did a night in Nashville.. I love the city.. we met up with our friend/second favourite ginger Siggi and met his friend Brie and then ended up at National Underground, because i seem to always end up there if one exists in the city lol..
the next day we headed to Memphis for our first time.. we decided to pack as much as possible into our day there and made our first stop the tour of Graceland… i never fully appreciated my love for young elvis until this trip… it was interesting to see the kind of fan base the man still has and to get a chance to see all the memorabilia in the house.. and then we headed to one of the coolest places i have ever been… we went on a tour of Sun Studios, which was so interesting and on the Johnny Cash’s birthday, no less.. ive been interested in getting to Sun Studios since seeing Million Dollar Quartet on Broadway, so it was amazing to get to be in the same room that so many legendary musicians had come through and to listen to all the old recordings and learn about the history.. and we ran into (twice) Sherman Downey and the Silver Lining/Ambiguous Case/?? who played Indie Week, small world…
And then we made it to New Orleans, where I met up with my new Iowa bf for the first time since we met in Texas… And surprisingly enough, I still really liked him, a whole lot… We met up with Audrey & Kyle and everybody else on the boat poured into the city over the next few days.. i had one of the best trips of my life in New Orleans… i got to spend time with a man that i adored and see some of my best friends.. i became drunker than ever on Bourbon Street with a cup hanging around my neck on beads… i rode a mechanical bull three times (and hadnt learned my lesson after the mechanical bull/fishnet incident of rock boats past) and Tim (that was the boyfriend’s name, by the way) used massage oil to rub my inner things to help me walk again after my drunken bull riding aftermath… we ate deep fried everything, and i got to try alligator and crawfish and grits and hand grenades… and he took care of me and all my drunk friends like a champ… take this one to her hotel, walk that one home, feed that one before she pukes, make sure that one doesn’t trip off the bar.. staggering in heels on the cobblestone roads dragging him 2 steps forward 4 steps back, and at least 3 to the side with every attempt… we went to a psychic and jenn and i cried… we bought overpriced tourist trap mardi gras masks and discount post-mardi gras beads for our TRB theme night.. i almost knocked myself out smacking my head on the car door and tim put up with all of it, which was so good of him… we went on a haunted tour of new orleans and learned about plagues and murders and the LaLaurie mansion and we went and looked at all the crazy above-ground cemeteries and i got to spend time eating at cute little cafes and wandering around the French Quarter with Tim and i dont think i was ever happier… i had the most fun i can imagine with my friends and i was in love..
And Davy Jones died and that was so sad…
Getting on the boat after 3 days in NOLA to begin our vacation was a nightmare… after 5 days of inebriation, what were we thinking.. that now our vacation was going to begin… The Rock Boat is generally my favourite place on earth but after the exhaustion and fun we had on the lead up, it didn’t have the same excitement as previous years, but we did still have fun… Stars and Stripes, Mardi Gras and Pirates were the themes… Audrey threw a glass across the Casino… I obliviously flirted with a die-hard christian band… and jenn got seasick… but as usual Will Hoge was phenomenal… Vertical Horizon played and Tony Lucca who had just been in the top whatever on the Voice and Stephen Kellogg and The Sixers.. Stephen Sr gave me life advice and i gushed about the new man in my life and the rest of the trip is a bit of a blur…
Will Hoge - Daydream Believer
Will Hoge w/ Stephen Kellogg - Too Old To Die Young
Will Hoge - Another Song Nobody Will Hear
Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had
Songwriters Session - For What It’s Worth
SK6ers w/Will Hoge - Stand By Me
On the trek back to Nashville, we got pulled over by an Alabama State patrol officer who made us put our hands up with his gun drawn… yeah thats not something we were used to.. i thought jenn was going to cry and in hindsight, that makes me laugh… the night in Nashville didn’t turn out as well as it could have and the next day Jenn mooned truck drivers much of the way home…
March – John Mayer had to cancel his tour because his granuloma vocal chord issue came back… and it made me really sad… i hate feeling helpless.. like if someone was about to shoot him, I could leap in front of the bullet… if someone was going to hit him with a car, i could push him out of the way… i cant save him from granuloma!! i dont have a cure! And that is the hardest thing for me to accept…
Went to see an elvis impersonator in niagara with my mother and her friend that i hate and it just made me sad that i never got to see real young elvis.. and then tim came to meet me because her was working at a plant a few hours away in pennsylvania and we stayed in Niagara for the night… and then the next day he came over to meet my bedroom that looks like a 14 year old lives in it and meet the family and then we went and stayed downtown in Toronto and i brought him to Jessie and Jenn’s to meet everyone.. Jessie harassed him and he survived and we went out to the hideout for St Patrick’s day and he didnt even get to see the cn tower because it was too foggy…
Canadian Music Week happened and the Suburbians were in town, so that was fun… and saw tim chaisson, flash lightnin and sherman downey play, but i spent most of cmw wishing it was indie week…
and for some reason, we all decided to go to the Legion hall with Jessie’s mom and friends on a Friday night and I sang Islands in the Stream with an old man who sounded like Cookie Monster.
April – Hanson did a mini performance and signing at the HMV on Queen, so obviously i went.. And Tim’s birthday and Easter weekend coincided so I took a little trip down to the pennsylvania to visit him where he was working at a plant… He was working nightshift so I stayed at the house and tried to stay awake watching America’s Most Wanted and Lifetime movies and cruising to the grocery store, also known as the “entertainment district” in this town… i decorated the house while he was away at work one night with balloons and bday girl decorations, made a lasagna that i put candles in and melted wax all over and tried to make a cheesecake.. i put his favourite candies in plastic easter eggs and hid them around the house and tried to stay awake to surprise him when he got home… he said it was his best birthday ever, and i think it may have been mine too..
And he got this as his fortune cookie and sent it to me… even Confucius thought i was awesome..
NeedToBreathe played a sold out show in Toronto… it was crazy to see how many fans they have recruited up here now… so good, as always… and nice to be able to go home after and not have to drive 16 hours north to get there…
NeedToBreathe - More Time
Nicole had her bridal shower and it was really nice and fun… We totally rocked the toilet paper dress competition…
We went to see FUN. They were awesome. Almost as awesome as Steel Train was. Way too many pre-teens.
FUN - Carry On
We went to see Augustana at the Opera House. It was pretty much the lead singer doing a young Dylan impression, minus the rest of the band. The harmonies weren’t as awesome as they were with the old band and nobody looked like they belonged onstage, but Dan looked happier…
Augustana - Sweet & Low
May - Went to Houston for work to go to the Offshore Technology Conference… it was gigantic… i wandered interviewing people, ran into my ex-boyfriend’s dad and had enough pulled pork sandwiches to last me a lifetime…my feet were killing me and i wasnt used to the Houston heat but I did get to meet up with my lil Houston friend Savannah and went out..
And Nicole got married!! she looked beautiful and the wedding was so fun… its so crazy to think that we’ve known each other since she was 10 or 11 and now she’s married.. and i have cats. #arresteddevelopment?
And then Leah, Tonya, Andrea, Jessie, Brad and I went to Nashville for May 2-4 weekend… it was a fun weekend… Clint Moffatt came out to visit which was fun, hadn’t seen him in years and years.. i miss his bands… we went to a pool party with Jessie’s Bachelor Pad friends Valisha at Ty’s place and then Andrea, Tonya and I went to see Will Hoge play while they went to see Miranda Lambert, then we all met up at Tootsies before Ty got in a fight with Chris Young… We ran into him again at Whiskey Jam the next night and he was in better spirits.. Whiskey Jam is pretty much the best thing ever and makes me wish i lived in Nashville… the girl who wrote Miley’s the Climb played, and we made friends with a lovely gentleman who used to be in Evanescence and this crazy talented girl who sings with T.Swift on tour… it was a wonderful night.. not so much a wonderful morning when I had to get on a plane positively inebriated. What a nightmare.
The weekend after, Tim flew me down to Biloxi, Mississippi for the long weekend for his best friend’s birthday. I had never met his friend and wife, but I bought a bunch of penis and birthday paraphernalia and flew it down with me, including a musical happy birthday g-string for one of the boys to wear and Tim and I decorated their hotel room with streamers and stuff so that we could surprise them when they came home for dinner.. Biloxi was a lot of fun.. We went to the Hard Rock hotel pool party and seadooing in the Gulf of Mexico… i was petrified at first but had so much and screamed the whole time.. I spent hours playing with local kids in the hotel pool and got to try crawfish from the bucket… i still get text messages from my little 10 year year old Biloxi ginger, Suzie.
And we went to see George Thorogood at Massey Hall and i got to visit with my fave person, Hutt his dude. Jonny (Debt) played a show at Supermarket and it was so fun… Leah’s bday dinner happened… Andy Brown played at Supermarket too…
I went to Edmonton and Calgary for work.. did an interview with a valve manufacturer, interviewed an engineer and went on a tour of an LNG tank farm and went to the big Global Petroleum Show.. And i went to Houston again for work and got to see my friend John and Savannah too..
and somewhere in the mix, i broke up with tim… i didnt want to.. i was kind of hoping it would be enough for him to suddenly realized i mattered enough to him to try to make it work, but unfortunately it just made him realize that he wouldnt really mind all that much if we broke up… i guess i kind of hoped that i would be the girl that a guy fights for one day, and i was really hoping he would be that guy, because i love him.. but i guess i’ve come to accept that he wasn’t that guy.. or maybe i’m just not that girl…
July – Went camping at some shitshow jersey shore style dubstep cranking at 7 am nightmare drug addict campground for Canada Day with jenn and katie… we had fun for the most part.. and for the other part we didnt..
We went to see Pomme is French for Apple again at Fringe fest.. and it was some new material and still awesome..
went to see Tim Chaisson play down the street from work on my lunch hour..
Tim Chaisson - Wherever You Are
We went out one night and met up with a bunch of people at the Hideout and it was kind of a melding of the worlds but it was fun… jenn fell walking into wayne gretzkys and started screaming “sarah, sarah! I fell!” just in case no one noticed and i laughed forever.. dan abandoned his friend at the bar and we rescued/kidnapped him, so jenn and kirsten stuck donkey and bieber tattoos on him while he was sleeping.. then kirsten, dan, his friend and i went to see Shad play at Fort York, which was awesome…
Jenn and i started researching haunted houses in ontario so she, leigh and i went to have dinner at the Keg mansion and hope to see the ghost of the maid who hanged (just so you know, hanged is the proper term to use in reference to a person hanging themselves. If it was an object like your coat, you hung it up) herself in the bathroom.. i didn’t see anything, and i peed twice… jenn was too afraid, so she held it lol…
Jenn, Leigh, Patricia and I bought a groupon for Speed Dating and did that for some reason… we laughed and i’d totally do it again, because it was hilarious… but sadly no soulies to be found all around lol…
Kirsten and I crashed the boys weekend at James’ cottage with Chris, Dan, Chris and Andreas and had the best time going boating, eating, playing catch and eating lol..
Kirsten and i went to Beerfest and saw Salt n Peppa… because they were headlining… which was weird but awesome…
And Jenn, Andrea and I saw Sherman Downey play again.. super fun..
Sherman Downey - Isadora Duncan
That sums it up
[trigger warning for the commentary below]
This reminds me of a discussion we had in school, and one girl was talking about living in fear of her safety because she is a girl, and this guy chimed in and was all “It’s hard for guys too! I’m so awkward around girls! It’s embarrassing!” Yeah, not the same thing, exactly?
This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them.
I think that says a lot.
Its interesting also that these fears sit subconsciously until woman are asked to exams their responses to men. We women will operate with this fear in mind, the way we protect ourselves, make sure our friends know where we are when we go on a date, words that we use while interacting with men, all in hopes they will not kill us, but simultaneously love us.
I think bell hooks made a point about this in her series on love. something along the lines of how can women hope to love and receive love from men when at the foundation of our relationships there is this strong fear of men. you can’t build true trust when your foundation is crumbling under you.
the scariest part is, once you recognize this fear, and face it, how do you address it when there is evidence of “good” men abusing, hurting, and killing women everyday?
I was in my early 20’s when one of my homegirls broke this down for me.
I was in a broken relationship, and one of the things was that bugged me at the time was that the girlfriend at the time would freak out whenever I got angry - I never yelled, never throw or hit things, mostly, I just needed some time to cool out.
“Why does she get scared when I’m angry? I’d never hit her!”
“But she doesn’t KNOW that. She can’t assume that. Look at how many dudes are out there pulling shit.”
And that stuck with me for a hot minute. The relationship was broken on so many levels anyway, but that fact still remains, as a man, I can’t fault women for assuming the worst in order to protect themselves, especially how the world’s patriarchy and misogyny rolls.
My brain knows that my husband won’t hit me. Really, the logical part of me totally gets that. But when we’re arguing he has to stay on the other side of the room & not yell too loud because my fight or flight instincts have 25+ years of being hard wired that loud = violent & our 11 year relationship isn’t long enough to undo that.
I’ve had continual discussions with Tchy about this, and I don’t expect to stop. It’s fair to say that there’s no one in the world that I trust more, and he has been extremely careful with me, but… the fact remains that he leans quite a bit towards the masculine, and this means that that fear is always there. The news of transmasculine folks abusing/raping people doesn’t help that fear any. :(
I’m learning not to apologize for it. It’s not my fault (nor, really, is it his) that I’m scared of dude-type people. But it’s always there. Which is another reason why I get so pissed off when trans men try to make transmisogyny about them.
men, read all of this please. including the commentary. esp if you consider yourself a Nice Guy.
This is an incredible thread of responses. I’ve seen this quote before, but not the dialogue that built up around it. The part about loud=violent hits home particularly hard for me. I am terrified of getting into irl arguments with men, especially when they get loud. It’s always going to sit in the pit of my stomach.
That part resonates for me too, although from a completely different angle. Despite being more terrified of sexual violence than I am of anything other than my own brain, I do not hesitate to yell, confront, get up in the face of, threaten, even hit men twice my size and many times my strength. Faced with a threat of violence from men, I will either imply or state “I dare you to.”
I also, as previously established on this blog, have a death wish.
To me, that encapsulates everything about the violence, especially sexual violence, coded into relationships between men and women in our society: for a woman to assert herself in the face of maleness may require the woman in question (such as me) to be perpetually suicidal.
Reblogging for commentary. I have been frightened and scared by men being loud with me, even if I don’t think they’ll be violent. Like people have said above, it’s just a latent response in your brain to fear violence from men.
I went out to dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago (LONG story, was supposed to be a group dinner but it ended up just being me & a strange man) and I told him I blogged about feminism and politics, and he went off on me. He told me feelings were bullshit and women just wanted special privileges, and then he said, “Women don’t give men enough credit for not being violent psychopaths. That’s what we are, deep down. We want to rape and pillage, and we don’t, and women don’t give us enough credit for that.” I burst into tears. That shit was terrifying.
I’ll always reblog this when it comes across my blog with different commentary! It’s all important!
I referenced this quote in a discussion I was having with a teacher a few weeks ago. He shifted uncomfortably and didn’t say anything for a few minutes, then told me “I couldn’t write like that in an essay.”
The truth hurts, huh.
14K and I are twins because I will not hesitate to answer a physical threat from a man. It’s a built-in response from years of watching my mother get hurt that I WOULD NOT go down so gently.
And even with non-physical responses. I don’t let anyone in, I don’t lean on anyone, I don’t trust anyone because damnit I will not let myself go through what she did. And I’m definitely a “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” kinda person.
Therapy’s making it better, but these ingrained fight or flight defensive mechanism aren’t uncommon.
I too am reblogging this for the amazing commentary.
When supposed feminist ally men deny this very basic, simple truth - that’s how you know they are an ally to no one.
This all gets taught to women at a very young age, how dangerous the world is when you’re in it being a woman. I’ve been struggling to write about something that happened with my daughter a few weeks ago, how to form the words, but this is possibly the best context.
We were in the wine shop, in line to pay, and she was so excited to get her lollipop (in the time honored tradition of wine stores everywhere). A man two people ahead of us started fighting with the woman behind the counter about how much money he’d given her. As I was moving her behind my body, my daughter froze, and when I say froze, I mean wasn’t moving a muscle except to shake.
It sorted itself out pretty quickly. We paid and left.
Once we got back into the car, she started crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she said, “Mama, I was so scared. When men get angry they shoot people.”
That’s a direct quote. When men get angry, they shoot people.
I asked her, “baby, why do you think that?” She replied, “on NPR, that’s what happens. When men get really mad they kill people. That guy was really mad, what if he had a gun? What would you do?”
The talk we had afterwards was difficult; no one said parenting was easy. But this is the life we live as women. If my 9 year old understands it, then men of the world, alleged feminist allies, Nice Guys, random douches on the street, and even actual non-dangerous men: so can you.
I cant take men posturing me. Or getting loud with me. Fight or flight kicks in. And, like karny, ima be as far away as possible while talking if im feelin some kinna way. I have every reason to respond that way. We all do. Its the norm for us to incur the wrath of men. (via bad-dominicana)
Reblogging for the truth in this thread. There are two men in my life who I know will never hit me. One is my dad, the other is a guy I’ve come to consider my brother. Everyone else, if you do anything that implies any sort of threat to my person, fight or flight will kick in because that’s what I’ve been taught. And, if I feel like I can take you in a fight, I will not stop until you’re immobile on the ground because then you can’t come after me when I run away.
Sorry, dudebros, but that’s how it is. I’ve seen some fucked-up shit happen to my female friends at the hands of Nice Guys(tm) and I refuse to let that happen to me.
As a man, I think the best thing I can do here is repost this for all of my followers to see and learn from.